Hello July

Wow, we made it … I can finally say it’s baby month, in fact it’s baby week! One way or another this little Wriggler is going to be here by this time next week.

As I sit here alone and type this in silence I’m overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions. I cried helping Dylan put on his socks this morning, as I know soon enough the moments shared just between him and I will be fewer, I know he will more than likely struggle with his emotions in the huge adjustment that comes with having to share everything he’s always had all to himself, especially his “mama”. I cried because I never want him to feel like he’s not my baby anymore, or that I love him any less.

I’m excited, I cannot wait to hold my baby in my arms, to feel that rush of love, to breath in his little newborn scent and to see Carl and Dylan with him. To feel that bond, when sitting awake at all hours of the night feeding him, and watching him drift off to sleep, with a full tummy and a content look on his little face.

I’m terrified, full of what ifs. What if I don’t remember everything? What if I don’t feel the same way as I did with Dylan? What if he’s not as easy as Dylan was? What if I do it all wrong? What if Dylan hates him?

Most of all I’m grateful, grateful to have this amazing opportunity to be a mother again, to share my love and to help raise another tiny human, to watch him grow and become whatever he chooses to be.